Kya Fish was only 13 years old when her half sister started calling her mom.
At an age when most teens are just starting to babysit, Fish was already serving as a parent of sorts, left to care for her infant and toddler siblings, often without notice when her father and his girlfriend went out, leaving her to juggle schoolwork and childcare with little support of her own.
“It was kind of my life — I just did it,” said Fish, now 18. “I didn’t have a normal childhood.”
Despite contending with overwhelming responsibility and family strife during her formative years, leading to bouts of depression, estrangement and suffering grades, Fish has found renewed confidence and ambition her senior year at La Farge High School, excelling academically and rediscovering her sense of self. Fish’s determination and accomplishments have earned her the La Crosse Tribune Extra Effort Award, nominated by music teacher Karen Fowell and social studies teacher Amy Lund.
An honors band bass clarinetist, choir member and soloist, Fish has taken on a leadership role in her music classes, says Fowell, who is continually impressed by the outgoing teen’s infectious positivity and unwavering drive.
“Kya has had a pretty challenging life — she had to grow up pretty fast and be responsible for things teenagers don’t usually have to be responsible for,” Fowell said. “She is able to look at things that happen in life and say, ‘I can succumb to this or I can make things better.’ She wants to learn as much as she can and do as much as she can.”
Fish learned early on to be self-sufficient, moving in with her father at age 12, along with her half-brother, after her mother moved several hours away for work. Having only spent two weekends a month with her father, the transition was challenging, compounded by tensions with her father’s girlfriend, with whom he has two daughters.
“She preferred her own kids,” Fish said. “She didn’t appreciate me and my little brother. She was very mentally abusive to us and made us feel like we weren’t worthy.”
At the beginning, her father and his girlfriend would leave for an hour or two to run errands, increasing the frequency and duration of their excursions as the weeks passed, Fish in charge of three young children. Despite her diligent care for her half sisters, the oldest who referred to her as ‘mom,’ her father’s girlfriend continued to treat her as a burden, her father taking the side of his partner. In June 2013, having lived with her father for a year, Fish was told she was no longer welcome in the home, and they wanted her out that night.
“I was really hurt,” Fish recalled. “I felt neglected.”
The summer before her freshman year, Fish moved in with a friend, staying until spring semester her sophomore year before relocating to her father’s parents’ home. At this time, she and her father, now married to his girlfriend, hadn’t spoken for over a year. His visits to the home were uncomfortable, with her grandparents’ often more supportive of their son than her.
Her father divorced in 2015, and during her junior year he attempted to reach out to her, leading to a flood of emotions as she came to terms with the turmoil of the past four years.
“I kind of got lost,” said Fish, whose depression led to missed school and falling grades. “I didn’t know where I was going. I would walk around in a daze. Everything was just numb.”
Realizing she was spiraling, Fish made an effort to accept support, frequently calling her mother and surrounding herself with “good friends and good people.” She committed to her classes, taking two advanced placement courses and an online college psychology class last year, and AP government and politics this year.
“She really wants to do more than just rote learning,” said Lund, who says Fish finds real-life applications for her studies. “She throws herself into everything wholeheartedly ... She’s the one motivating herself. She goes above and beyond even when nobody is watching.”
Last summer, Fish and her father began to work toward reconciliation, and since September she has resumed a caretaker role to her half sisters, now 5 and 8, leaving her grandparents’ home at 6:30 a.m. to prepare the girls for school, her own first period starting about an hour later. Some nights, she stays over to save time in the morning, and after school she works for La Farge’s Community Learning Center program, supervising K-5 students until their parents finish work.
Despite long days, Fish makes time for softball and music, performing in the State Solo Ensemble contest and band concerts. A former volleyball player, she helps with middle school tournaments and has volunteered at community dinners, lending a hand to neighbors with yard work and judging elementary school speaking competitions. Her mother now lives about 45 minutes away, allowing for more frequent visits.
“Sometimes managing it all gets a little tricky,” Fish conceded. “But I’ve been trying to focus on being more of a teen this year.”
Fish has applied to four colleges, having received acceptance letters from two so far, and hopes to attend the University of Minnesota. She is considering a criminal justice or sociology major, citing a passion for helping others.
“College is going to be a really big change,” said Fish, who will no longer be providing daily care for her siblings when she moves. “It’s going to give me the opportunity to finally just take care of myself and only myself. It’s something I haven’t been able to do before.”
Fish calls the transition “bittersweet” but exciting, and Lund is confident she will excel in everything she does.
“I can’t wait to see where she is in five, 10, 20 years, because I think she’s going to do really cool things,” Lund said. “She doesn’t wait for things to happen — she goes out and does them.”
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